Unlikely

Lau was reading this week's lesson, Hope Against Depression, last night while I was reading my posts from my old blog, Anik-Anik, Atbp. Actually, it was my third blog. My first attempt to publicize my thoughts was in Purple Rain, a blog feature from the defunct website of AMiCUS-UPD. I forgot to transfer all my posts to another blog before the site hit non-existence. The second one I entitled Moonshadows, which I decided to erase because of some circumstances. Haha, I remember now. Nabadtrip nga pala ako kasi may nagliligawan sa blog ko, talaga nga naman! (I think my reaction then was, "Ang kapal ha, sa blog ko pa talaga nagligawan!" Hahaha)

Anyway, so Anik-anik, atbp came to be, and my first entry was entitled Circles (the one I reposted). Siguro nasasakal lang ako sa sitwasyon ko before na kahit mga friends ko kinaiiritahan ko. I was really that aligaga that time. And my excuse then was, "I'm brokenhearted and depressed." Haha. And I think that image stayed to a point where it became synonymous to me -- Si Ligay, ang babaeng pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa! (Other synonyms would be "Ang babaeng mahilig sa True Love," "Ang babaeng mahilig sa mga pag-ibig na puno ng tandang-pananong at tandang-padamdam," among others. Haha, adik lang.) That blog became a shock absorber, where I can just rant all day, where I release all the negativity inside my brain, where I vent out all my frustrations and emotions. It actually became easier for my friends to understand me (because every time they ask me what's wrong, I would just break down and cry. I was THAT emo! Gulay!)

But something must have changed over the years. I still burst out emo-shits occasionally, pero kumakabig agad. Because the truth is, I don't have a reason, or even the right, to be depressed or whine about things that are happening or not happening.

So when Lau read the seven signs of depression, there's still a thought that I would score maybe 3 over 7 or 4 over 7. Lau said she scored 6 over 7. Hehe. Surprisingly, I got butata. ZERO. And I was like, "So sa ating tatlo dito, ako ang walang bahid ng depression? Ganun? Parang hindi naman..." So inisa-isa nila sa akin why I failed the depression test:

Depression causes a variety of painful manifestations:

• a deep sense of sadness (sorrow): Sabi nina Lau, hindi naman daw ako malungkot. Wala naman daw akong reason para malungkot. Sabi ko, hindi ba pwedeng maging reason ang kawalan ko ng lovelife? Tiningnan lang nila ako, at natawa ako kasi, honestly hindi ko naman siya pinoproblema. Pero part yun ng new year's resolution ko. Hehe. Yun nga lang, bakit mo poproblemahin ang bagay na wala? Or kung meron, e bakit mo pa poproblemahin? Hehehe.
  
  
• a lack of motivation to do anything, even enjoyable activities: Marami naman akong bagay na ine-enjoy gawin. Sulok, for example. Kahit ngarag-ngaragan, I still love being a part of it. At ineenjoy ko naman ang pagsusulat, pagdaldal, pagtawa, pagkain, hahaha!!! Ako na ang mababaw ang kaligayahan! :)
  
  
• a change in appetite and either weight loss or gain: Actually, problema ko nga ang hindi pagbaba ng timbang ko! HAHAHA! At anong loss of appetite? Walang ganun! Sarap kumain nu! Kaya hindi talaga ako mamayat! :P
  
  
• sleep disturbances, sleeping either not enough or too much: wala naman masyado, mahilig lang akong magpuyat at kailangan kong gumising ng maaga kaya minsan kulang ang tulog ko (kaya rin siguro may biglang pag-e-emo na nagaganap, hmmm...)
  
  
• feelings of low self-esteem: Sabi ni Sheli, wala daw ako nito. Never daw ako nagkaroon ng low self-esteem! Grabe naman, meron naman, hindi ko nga lang ine-entertain! Because, sabi sa Bible, I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" so bakit ako mag-iinarte? Buti nga kumpleto ako (sobra pa nga e, ng taba!!! hehe). May iba nga na may kulang pero nagagawa pa rin nilang magpasalamat. So sino ako para hindi pasalamatan ang lahat ng meron o wala ako, diba?
  
  
• poor reasoning and memory: Ewan ko lang ha, pero sabi ni Sheli, ako daw ang may pinakamaayos na memorya at reasoning powers sa aming tatlo ngayon. Bolera naman 'yang si Sheli, hahaha! Sabi ko sa kanya, I have selective amnesia kaya, maraming detalye sa past ko ang hindi ko maalala. Sabi niya, pinipili mo lang naman ang maaalala at hindi. Ayun, sapul! Hahaha
  
  
• thoughts of death and suicide: NO! I am so vain to even think of killing myself, sabi nila. Hahaha. But really, hindi talaga. Siguro dati, pero kapag naiisip ko kung paano ko papatayin ang sarili ko parang... eeeeeewww... Imagine, sasaksakin mo sarili mo, sakit kaya nun! O kaya uminom ng lason? Yuck kaya lasa nun. O kaya magbigti? E yung paghihintay mo na mamatay e nakakaloka kaya, wag na!!! Hahaha

 

Sabi rin sa lesson, a basic coping strategy for depression consists of talking to a friend who knows how to listen, and there's a healing effect in verbalizing thoughts and feelings. So maybe the reason why I don't feel depressed is because I have friends whom I can talk to with whatever. And for all the depressions I had, sila talaga ang nagtitiyaga sa akin. :) And of course, I can talk to my mom openly. We're like the best of friends. We fight, yes, but at least I can voice out my frustrations without a thought of being forsaken or whatever. Hehe.

And maybe because I talk a lot. Talk meaning write all my thoughts about anything and everything. I can verbalize my feelings and thoughts easily daw. Nagiging emo lang daw ako kasi I'm an emotion-sucking vampire, I feed on other people's emotions! Hahahaha!

But I think, the best coping mechanism talaga for depression is prayer. I don't want to sound preachy or anything, but it's the truth. Knowing someone listens to you with whatever things you want to say saves you from killing yourself. And the best listener still, for me, is my Lord.

So, guard your heart, people! Nagpa-fluctuate madalas ang emosyon ng mga tao ngayong buwan! HAHAHA. And don't forget to pray. :)

Buknoy and Me

Break from proposal writing... almost on the brink of nervous breakdown, hahahaha! Halata naman sa pics e! Echoz!

One Fine Day

Sumikat ang araw sa monsoon country, nakapaglakad-lakad tuloy! Hehe

It's a Miracle!

Okay! Fine! I over-reacted! Kelan naman ako hindi naging OA, exaggerated, at exceptionally ngarag sa mga bagay-bagay sa buhay ko? I was trained to magnify ordinary things to make them look extraordinary. It's art!

Haha! Sorry. I'm just justifying the exaggeration of my reaction towards my academic life. Hehe. Nataranta lang ako, nagimbal at nagising sa katotohanan.

Para wala nang paligoy-ligoy pa, sasabihin ko na kung anong nangyari. Ganito:

• Mababa pa rin ang nakuha ko dun sa pinangangambahan kong subject, pero hindi naman siya kababaan na tipong patatalsikin na ako dito sa AIT. Kaya pa naman siyang bawiin kahit next highest grade na lang (but I'm still aiming for an A! Lord, help me!)
• Kumbaga sa battery, Triple A ako. Hehe. Yun. :) Pero nangangahulugan din 'yun na kailangan kong magtino pa kasi midterms pa lang 'yun. There's still a big chance na bumaba pa 'yun kapag nagpabaya ako. More pressure! My gulay!
• Isa sa mga subjects ko ay walang grade kasi wala daw pagbabasihan, sabi ni Dadi Seyj. Hehe. Kasi naman, one credit lang yun tapos 5points pa lang yung assignments na binigay niya. Well, Research Design yun so ang mahalaga dun ay ang Thesis Proposal at the end of the semester.

Speaking of thesis proposal, I need to finish my thesis proposal as soon as possible, and I have to defend it as early as may, dahil by June/July, I should be going back to Baguio to do my data gathering and my internship.

So there. Isang buwan na lang at Finals na naman! At nape-pressure na akong lalo! Natatae na ako sa pressure. Haha

Well, I can say, it's still good to feel low sometimes kasi you get to realize that you have to try your best in everything and you cannot survive without God's grace! Nababatukan ang mga papetik-petik! Kaya ayun!

Kung sa ANTM pa 'to, sasabihin ni Tyra sa akin, "You're still running towards becoming America's Next Top Model!" Sabay fierce-look... and pout!

Haha.

Reflection

Bundat, while sleeping in one corner of his 'crib' (aquarium).


*This is a raw pic. I did not edit this in photoshop.

Poor Man's Pasta ala Ligay

Ahahaha. Kahirapan nga naman! Kung anu-ano ang naiimbentopara lang makakain ng matinong pagkain!

Love ko ang pasta, as in! Bago ako maging vegetarian, medyo aanga-anga pa ako dahil ang alam ko lang na pasta ay spaghetti. Ahaha. E simula nung nagvegetarian ako, kailangan makahanap ng ibang putahe. Kung anu-anong nilalahok sa sauce ng spaghetti para lang makakain ako.

Saktong napanood ko sa "Series of Unfortunate Events" na ang pinakasimpleng pasta ay ang "putanesca". Ayun, simula nun, ilang versions na ng putanesca ang naluto ko (note: walang iisang putahe kasi pacham ako, as in patsamba-tsamba.

Medyo bihira ka makatikim ng masarap na pasta dito sa thailand kasi hindi nila feel ang ganung pagkain. Tsaka kamamahal ng noodles na binibenta sa mga grocery stores, not to mention na ang cheese dito e parang bar ng ginto! Grabe!

May kaklase akong Italian last semester at nung last day ng class last semester e nagluto siya ng vegetarian pasta. Broccholi yung nilagay niya.

'Yun na 'yung last kong kain ng pasta... hanggang kanina! Ahahaha.

Since iniwan ni Kissy sa akin halos lahat ng mga gamit niya, pati mga pagkain e binigay niya sa akin. May naiwan siyang macaroni. Naisip ko, gawa ako ng pasta. Ang available lang naman dito e kamatis, at seaweed. So bumili ako kagabi ng kamatis at seaweed para maluto ko para sa lunch ko kanina. Usually, may mushroom, olives, anchovies ang putanesca. E since kamatis lang ang nandito, e di yun na lang. At para mareplace ang anchovies, seaweed na lang!

Ang cost ng putanesca na ito, 20baht. hehehe. 10 baht na kamatis (may natira pa kasi dalawang malaking piraso lang naman ang ginamit ko) at 10 baht na seaweed. Hehe.

Ayun, naisip ko: 'Yung macaroni, bigay lang sa akin, yung mantika rin, yung asin, yung paminta; yung kamatis 10 baht lang, yung seaweed 10 baht lang din. Parang pampulubi naman tong pagkain ko. Oh well, masarap naman so tawagin na lang natin siyang "Poor Man's Pasta", diba? Hehe

Laui

She got me pissed off over a piece of pan de coco during the time when I was struggling to cure the high uric acid concentration in my body. She argued that the coconut is the biggest seed and since the filling of pan de coco is made from coconut, I shouldn't eat it. Haha... Of course, she was just being funny and witty, and she didn't mean to piss me off.

She usually drag me to Yellow Cab, Avenetto, Choco Kiss, Chef de Angelo and the likes just to have a mouth-watering meal even when we were both broke. And when we're "really" broke, we would go to Chowking to share an order of tofu or kangkong with extra soup for a day's meal.

She accompanied me to Laguna once when I was so depressed over a stupidity. Then she told me I deserve someone better, someone who will not make me cry. And when I did not care to listen, she was just waiting for me to get to my senses, praying that one day I'll make a better decision and choose my own well-being. I think she prayed earnestly, and I have to thank her for that.

She introduced me to Yamapi, and how we loved Shuuji and Akira. Now, everytime I see Yamapi and the series "Nobuta wo produce", there's a smile written on my face. I got to watch Korean/Taiwanese/Japanese dramas even before they were aired in Philippine TV because she was so hooked watching those and it was so much fun watching them with her.

Her apartment is always a place for 'rehabilitation' and everytime I need a place to stay, her place is the first thing that pops into my head.

She does many wonderful things for her friends, and I am so grateful that I am one of them.

It's her 29th birthday today, and I am still broke to give her a present. However, I wish her all the wonderful things that she deserves, and thank her for everything. Sorry, this is all I can afford for the moment.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUI!

Foodtrip sa UP (august 10. 2008)

Kelan ba naman kami nagkapera? Pero kahit wala kaming pera, gora pa rin sa katatawa. Foodtrip sa SC, tambay sa sunken, picture-picture, meeting people, eating tipid na dinner! Ayun lang ang pinaggagawa namin pero masaya naman (kahit naligaw kami sa Krus na Ligas. At least nalaman namin ang bahay ni Jesser. E sino ba si Jesser?) Ahahaha