Nagsusumixteen Series: Si Manong Kuya

Tumalon, tumakbo, at nadapa ang puso ko
nang makita ko ang likuran mo...

Hindi naging kumpleto ang nakaraang linggo ko kasi wala ka. Nalaman ko na lang, nag-China ka pala. Hindi tuloy kita nakita noong Martes at Biyernes. Isang linggo kong inabangan ang pagbalik mo, gabi-gabing dumaraan sa tapat ng dorm mo, nagbabakasaling may masisinagan akong ilaw sa kuwarto mo, pero hanggang kagabi, hindi pa rin kita nakikita.

Pero kanina, habang tulog akong nagbibisikleta papunta sa silid-aklatan, nakita ko ang likod mo, naglalakad sa may di kalayuan. Tila bang tumalon, tumakbo, at nadapa ang puso ko nang makita ko ang likuran mo. Nandito ka na ulit! Ang saya-saya naman! Kailangan ko na lang maghagilap ng sapat na lakas ng loob para man lang makatingin sa'yo ng deretso, at kung kakayanin pang makangiti sa'yo, para na akong biniyayaan ng super powers nun.

Martes na bukas. Kita-kita tayo sa klase. Hihihi. Bigla akong na-excite!

It's a Miracle!

Okay! Fine! I over-reacted! Kelan naman ako hindi naging OA, exaggerated, at exceptionally ngarag sa mga bagay-bagay sa buhay ko? I was trained to magnify ordinary things to make them look extraordinary. It's art!

Haha! Sorry. I'm just justifying the exaggeration of my reaction towards my academic life. Hehe. Nataranta lang ako, nagimbal at nagising sa katotohanan.

Para wala nang paligoy-ligoy pa, sasabihin ko na kung anong nangyari. Ganito:

• Mababa pa rin ang nakuha ko dun sa pinangangambahan kong subject, pero hindi naman siya kababaan na tipong patatalsikin na ako dito sa AIT. Kaya pa naman siyang bawiin kahit next highest grade na lang (but I'm still aiming for an A! Lord, help me!)
• Kumbaga sa battery, Triple A ako. Hehe. Yun. :) Pero nangangahulugan din 'yun na kailangan kong magtino pa kasi midterms pa lang 'yun. There's still a big chance na bumaba pa 'yun kapag nagpabaya ako. More pressure! My gulay!
• Isa sa mga subjects ko ay walang grade kasi wala daw pagbabasihan, sabi ni Dadi Seyj. Hehe. Kasi naman, one credit lang yun tapos 5points pa lang yung assignments na binigay niya. Well, Research Design yun so ang mahalaga dun ay ang Thesis Proposal at the end of the semester.

Speaking of thesis proposal, I need to finish my thesis proposal as soon as possible, and I have to defend it as early as may, dahil by June/July, I should be going back to Baguio to do my data gathering and my internship.

So there. Isang buwan na lang at Finals na naman! At nape-pressure na akong lalo! Natatae na ako sa pressure. Haha

Well, I can say, it's still good to feel low sometimes kasi you get to realize that you have to try your best in everything and you cannot survive without God's grace! Nababatukan ang mga papetik-petik! Kaya ayun!

Kung sa ANTM pa 'to, sasabihin ni Tyra sa akin, "You're still running towards becoming America's Next Top Model!" Sabay fierce-look... and pout!

Haha.

To my dearest Pangga!

BONGGANG-BONGGA ka ngayong araw na ito dahil ARAW mo ngayon!

Dedma sa lahat ng nega, kalimutan ang problema! I-enjoy ang araw na ito dahil minsan ka lang maging 24. Di ba!

Wag kalimutang ngumiti! Baka may maakit, para magka-lovelife na rin tulad ni *****! ayun, bawal daw sabihin kaya puro *****! ahahahaha!

At dahil nga ispeyshal day mo today, eto ang iyong horoscope for the day! hehehe

"It's important to be around people who share the same values as you right now.

Why would you listen to anyone who tells you that you can't accomplish one of your goals? Someone as charming and as dedicated as you can work their way around any obstacles thrown in their path. So if you get a red light from the big boss, your funds are pulled or the weather rains all over your picnic plans, turn to other people to help you out. You know exactly how to ask for favors from people -- and there are quite a few favors due to you. Call them in." (Ayon sa iyong horoscope! Ahahaha!)

Wabyu Jay! Mwah!

Songkran

Start:	Apr 13, '09
End:	Apr 15, '09
Location:	Thailand

Three-day holiday in Thailand! Walang pasok!!! Oh yeah!

Earth Hour

Start:	Mar 28, '09 8:30p
End:	Mar 28, '09 9:30p
Location:	Earth

Turn off your lights for an hour, from 8:30 pm to 9:30 pm (local time).

Visit the Earth Hour Site at http://www.earthhour.org/home/

Anik-anik, Atbp., muling nagbabalik!

Isang taon na ang nakakalipas mula nang huli akong nakapaglagay ng entry sa isa kong blog, 'yung Anik-anik, Atbp. Kanina, naisipan kong magsulat muli para sa blog na 'yun. Ang pamagat, "May Buhay After UPBaguio". Nagsilbing bintana ko ang blog na yun ng aking buhay noong bago at habang nasa Baguio ako.

Noong paalis na ako, sabi ko iiwan ko na 'yun. Medyo masakit kasi para sa aking alalahanin ang mga karanasan ko sa Baguio, kaya parang ayaw ko na siyang palaguin pa.

Nito-nito lang, binisita ko ang blogsite ko na 'yun. Nagbasa, natawa, at bigla kong naisip na hindi ko pwede kalimutan ang lahat ng mga nakasulat doon dahil magaganda naman pala ang mga karanasan ko. Ika nga ng bakla kong sarili, "in fairness to me" may matino naman palang bagay na nangyari sa akin doon.

So, kanina, nagsulat lang ako. Binago ko na rin yung layout niya. May ibang alaala kasing napapasama sa tuwing nakikita ko ang layout nung blog ko na yun. E since matagal nang panahon yun at hindi na uso ang magdala ng sandamakmak na bagahe sa buhay (kumbaga sa Cebu Pacific, 15 kilos na lang ang limit ng bagahe!!!) kailangan nang magbago ng diskarte. I'm still figuring out kung anong gagawin ko dun, kasi tatlo na yung ime-maintain ko na blog. Kaya ba ng powers ko, o sapat ba ang mga kuwento ko para sa tatlong blog? Well, malay natin. Tutal, sabi nga nila, schizo naman ako. Haha.

Bisitahin n'yo, baka magustuhan n'yo rin 'yung mga dating nakasulat dun. May mga tsismis din, kung gusto n'yo. Pero siyempre, tungkol lang sa akin 'yung tsismis. Haha.

Hindi ako makapaniwala

...pero dahil inagaw nila ang buhay mo nang wala sa panahon, itatago ko na lang ang naiiwang alaala mo sa silid-aklatan ko, ang isinulat mong kuwento sa Literary Folio ng Kule na ipinagamit ko sa Humanidades class ko nung nagtuturo pa ako sa UPBaguio, 'yung mahaba ang pamagat, yung nakakatuwang basahin.

Ipagdarasal ko na sana mabigyan ng katarungan ang iyong paglisan. Badtrip e, ang dami mo pang pwedeng gawin.

VJ, salamat sa pagkakadaupang-palad!

Khok Charoen, Lopburi

Here are some of the snap shots of our trip to Khok Charoen, Lopburi Porvince, Thailand for the Gender Analysis and Gender Responsive Development Planning class under Dr. Kyoko.

Capital T

"... as in Tanga!"


Siguro, hudyat na ito na kailangan ko nang umuwi. O kung sa termino pa ng mga galit sa akin at nag-iisip na ilusyunada ako, panahon na para lumibel ako sa dapat kong kalagyan.

Nabagsak ko ang isa sa mga exam ko, at yun pa lang ang resultang nakukuha ko sa ngayon. Nangangamba ako na pare-pareho ang kalalabasan ng apat ko pang exam dahil, una, tanga naman talaga ako; pangalawa, pareho lang ang takbo ng utak ko simula ng una hanggang huling exam.

Pagod na ako sa totoo lang, pagod na akong makipaghabulan sa mga gusto kong abutin. Huling pagkakataon na ito at anong ginawa ko? Hindi ko alam kung hindi ko lang talaga kaya o nawawala na naman ako sa konsentrasyon?

Sasabihin siguro ng mga galit sa akin, "HINDI MO KASI TALAGA KAYA, ILUSYUNADA KA KASI!" Putang-ama n'yo! At least ako, sinusubukan kong habuli at abutin yung mga gusto ko kahit minsan e suntok sa buwan talaga! Kung ano mang kahinaan meron ako, pinipilit kong i-overcome yun! Nakakapagod na kaya! At oo, ilusyunada ako, kasi ayokong nagsesettle sa ganito lang.

Nakakapagod na lang talaga.

Masyado na akong matanda para sa mga kapalpakan! Pero eto na naman ako, pumapalpak pa rin ng bonggang-bongga! At lagi't laging may repurcussions ang mga bonggang-bongga kong kapalpakan, i.e., hindi na ako makakatuloy mag PhD kasi kamusta naman ang grade ko, diba?

Ngayon, hindi ko alam kung titigilan ko na 'tong habulan na 'to o mas lalo lang akong tatakbo kahit wala na akong lakas. Pero kasi, baka naman hindi na ako kasali sa habulan e takbo pa rin ako ng takbo? Diba katangahan 'yun?

O baka tanga lang talaga ako?

I will miss you, Dr. Nowee

Life is so short to realize you're missing half of it.


This morning, a phone call from Nur, my Indonesian classmate, woke me up. "Dr. Nowarat died this morning."

I didn't want to believe what I just heard.

It's not like I didn't know this is going to happen. She's been sick since last semester. She was confined to the hospital for months and she only returned during the finals. She was one of the nicest professors I've ever met, not to mention that I really admire her intelligence. She was teaching Nanotechnology here in AIT plus Environmental Engineering subjects. She was an Applied Physics graduate from Mahidol University here in Thailand and she continued her graduate and postgraduate studies in the US. She was my academic adviser. We were never really that close but since she has that refreshing personality, I've always liked her. Our last conversation was during the registration period and before she took her leave this semester.
But even though we already knew her passing will eventually happen, I didn't realize it'll be this soon. Maybe I was expecting a miracle, that her life will be extended just for a couple of months... or years. She was still young and she still had so many things to do. But as what they always say, you'll never know when your time is up.

I didn't know her well enough so I cannot say she wasted her life for unimportant things. Her work was probably her most valued possession, and maybe she had so many plans to improve the quality of life of many. But then, what's the use of all these when you don't have the strength to even lift a pen? She took her work so seriously that maybe she forgot to take care of herself.

I am sometimes like that. Sleeping really late and even being awake for 48 hours straight just to finish a requirement for school, not eating on time, eating unhealthy food, etc... and for what?

We only live once, and we have to use it to the fullest and most meaningful way possible. But since our lives are relatively shorter compared to our plans and dreams, it's better to try to prolong our lives, or at least not try to shorten it, so that we can at least achieve half of the things that we intend to accomplish before the last straw of breath leaves our frail human body.

And maybe the thought that our lives are not entirely ours, probably we can have that sense of responsibility not to waste what was entrusted to us. We are accountable to the way we live our lives.

I am going to miss you, Dr. Nowee.

Reflection

Bundat, while sleeping in one corner of his 'crib' (aquarium).


*This is a raw pic. I did not edit this in photoshop.