Emo-dium 101

"Ruin is a gift." --Eat, Pray and Love

Emoticon #2

"Preferential or unconditional love? If I love her because she has excellent qualities, then my love is conditional on the preferential considerations I have bestowed upon my beloved. If those preferential considerations are removed for any reason, then my love for her will either cease altogether, or worse, turn into hate. I MUST THEREFORE LOVE OUT OF DUTY. THEN MY LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL! That is, I only love my beloved genuinely and unconditionally if, when all my preferential feelings are stripped away, I find that I still love her. I must be ‘‘able to continue finding her lovable, no matter how she has become changed.’’ Tell me, my friends, nagmahal na ba kayo ng ganito? This is as difficult as loving the Revolution. Even if it fails, we still must continue loving the Revolution for no reason at all just for Duty!" --Sir Gerry Lanuza, status niya sa facebook (10Feb11)

Manila Chronicles: LOL

Morning madness sa LRT.

Sabi ng VO girl sa LRT, speaking in a maarte way:

"Bilang respeto sa kapwa pasahero... bawal pong mag-ingay o tumawa ng malakas sa loob ng tren."

Say what?

LOL! 

Manila Chronicles: Tales of Two Lates

Chance

"It's too late baby now, it's too late..."

Hapon na. Pagod na ang katawan. Nagliliwaliw na ang utak sa mga kung anu-anong bagay na karaniwang hindi naiisip sa normal na oras. Sa gitna ng nagsisigawang mga sasakyan at sa lumilipad kong utak, may isang pupukaw sa aking maselang atensyon.

Naka-khaki pants, black polo shirt. Di maporma pero mukhang mabango. Makinis ang mukha, nakasalamin. Geek, malamang, with a perfectly managed haircut. Kamukha niya 'yung crush ko nung highschool, nung highschool pa kami. Hmmm, tipo!!!

Napaisip ako ng mga what ifs, yung tipong sabi ni Sir Ricky Lee na nagsu-sustain sa lahat ng kwentong pampelikula sa mundo. Mga what if ngumiti siya sa akin, what if kilala ko pala siya, what if siya pala! Minsan may ganyang topak ako, pampasaya ng mundo!

Tingin-tingin lang ulit, nagpapakasasa sa isang magandang tanawin sa gitna ng usok at baho ng Maynila.

Maya-maya pa'y napatingin ako sa kanyang kamay na may hawak na backpack.

Oooopppssss...

Singsing.

Palasingsingan.

Kaliwang kamay.

Sablay.

***

Missed

"It's too late to apologize..."

Dalawang magkaibigan, nakaupo sa tapat ko sa MRT. Usap-usap sila sa mga bagay na wala akong kinalaman. Naghihintay kami na umandar ang MRT papuntang QAve. Hindi pa masyadong puno, kaya nag-aabang pa ng maisasakay. Medyo mainit, hindi pa binubuksan ang aircon.

Biglang dumating ang kasunod na tren. Napaisip ang magkaibigan na lumipat sa kabilang tren, para siguro mas maluwag o kung ano man. Paidi-idi silang tumayo, hindi mapakali kung tatayo ba o uupo na lang, kung lalakad o hindi, lilipat o hindi.

Sa may pinto, nagdesisyon silang lilipat ng tren. Paghakbang ng isa palabas ng tren, sumara ang pinto. Nagkahiwalay sila. May isa sa loob, tumuloy sa biyahe dahil wala naman siyang magagawa. May isa na nasa labas, tutuloy rin sa biyahe, ibang biyahe nga lang dahil tulad ng nasa loob, wala rin naman siyang magagawa.

Hindi ko lang alam kung sinong iniwan at naiwan.

Impid

This post should have been entitled "My unsolicited opinion on why Angelo Reyes killed himself" with a lengthy expression of my political naiveness disguising otherwise and my disgust over the whole corruption issue in our country, with a little concern about his life, and a dash of existentialist blah blah.

This could have been my most angsty post in this blog, screaming "society sucks" but...

--nothing follows--

Slow

Lazy Saturday afternoon, after coming from church...

Lau: (Talking about Bubu and Mumu) Ligay, bakit ang bagal na nilang gumalaw? Kailangan na yata silang palitan ng tubig.

Ako: (Napatingin pero tuloy lang sa pag-iinternet) Ahh, sige mamaya. Papalitan ko ng tubig.

Lau: (Napasigaw) Aaaaahhh... bakit slowmo na sila?

Ako: (Napatingin lang ulit kina Bubu at Mumu) ...because it's a slowmo day!!! 

Hahahaha

Sweets No More

...well, at least for a week. Mr. Doctor advised me not to take in anything sweet, be it liquid or solid (or gas?) So bawal ang kape. NOOOOOOO!!!

I've been sick for a week, coughing like hell, as if my baga, atay, balumbalunan (manok? haha) and all my innards would come out of my body... I hate being sick.

Sabi ni Lau, baka dahil sa fatigue at puyat kaya ako may sakit ngayon. Baka nga. I have an 8hr job during weekdays, may OT pa minsan at dumadalas, SULOK on Sundays and other sked na pwede pagsingitan, plus my review which I am neglecting to do. Sa lahat ng ginagawa kong ito dito sa Manila, I still have to go home sa Laguna because Mom needs me there. After her minor accident bago matapos ang 2010, hindi na ako masyado nakakatulog everytime umuuwi ako. I need to attend to all her needs kasi hindi niya magalaw mga kamay niya - pagkain, pagtayo, pagpuntang cr. May nag-aassist naman kami na kinuha for her, yun lang mas gusto ko kasi na ako ang nag-aattend sa nanay ko. I remember when I was in Thailand nung 2009, naaksidente rin siya. Nalaman ko na lang, magaling na siya. Nakakaguilty, siyempre. Panganay ako. Dadalawa lang kami. May asawa na kapatid ko. At ako ang babae. Kahit anong pilit kasi nating lubayan ang mga ganyang partikularidad ng buhay natin, minsan hindi lang talaga matatakasan lalo na kung usaping pamilya na ang involved. So yun. Nung maaksidente si Mama, I wanna see to it na hindi lang ako hangin na nangungumusta.

Eventually, medyo naging okay na ang pakiramdam niya. She opted not to undergo operation. Mahina na rin kasi siya unlike before, plus she has diabetes. So therapy na lang gagawin dun sa shoulders niya. After that advice from the doctor, parang bigla ko na lang naramdaman lahat ng sakit na hindi ko naramdaman nung mga nakaraang linggo. Nagsimula lang sa konting sipon, at yun nagtutuloy-tuloy na. I still tried to go to office kasi kaya ko pa naman kahit medyo nilalagnat-lagnat na ako. Pero nung thursday, di na talaga kinaya ng powers. Grabe na yung ubo, hindi na ako nakakatulog. So nung Friday, I decided na magpachek up na. The nearest clinic is the UP Health Service, aka Infirmatay este Infirmary pala.

All my college life, iilang beses pa lang ako nagpadpad sa Infirmary (kasi ayoko talaga ng ospital to begin with at ayokong umiinom ng gamot.) So, parang weird na dun ako magpapachek up. At syempre, iba na rin ang sitwasyon ngayon. Hindi na ako student. At kailangan ko nang magbayad ng serbisyo nila.

To cut the story short, ayun, nagbayad ako ng Php450 sa doktor para lang masabihan na uminom ng salabat, maraming tubig at bawal magkinain ng matamis. Niresetahan naman niya ako ng gamot, yun nga lang, pati gamot mahal. Haaay.

"Battle Scars"

Thanks, Mister Avid, for sharing your talent and for uttering words I cannot speak through your works. I wish to meet you someday, somewhere in the universe. 

Repost: Untitled #1

Kung langit ang ating hangganan
Hindi tayo mauubusan ng liliparan
Halughugin natin ang buong kalawakan
Hanggang wala nang kalawakang pumapagitan.

Lisan natin ang hangganan ng lupa't langit
Lumipad palayo sa mundong mapanlupig
Simulan ang paglaya ng isip,
Subukan nating lumikha ng himig.

Kung iilan ang salitang kayang bigkasin
at ang imahe ay bibihira kung dumating
wag kang mangamba't iyong silipin
baka nakakadena lamang at napapaalipin.

Igalaw ang naparalisang mata
Iindak ang nawawalang paa
Humayo tayo't magpakasaya
Itanghal natin ang ating mga tula.

Nobyembre 17, 2007
Baguio City

__________

Nakalimutan ko nang sinulat ko pala 'to. Haha :) Ang Xiauismo ay nagmimistulang baul ng memorya. :)

25 Random Things

Sandamakmak ang ganito sa facebook at friendster, yung mga "Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to blah blah..." At nakigaya rin ako. Ito yung 25 random things about me noong 2009, dagdagan lang natin ng mga komento. :)

1. I am a vegetarian. (Bilang pasaway, sumasablay na minsan.)

2. I love buying and reading books.

3. Writing is my first love. Tapos music at visual arts.

4. I love the moon.

5. I love surprises.

6. I hate waiting.

7. I soak my feet in warm water and it feels ohh so good!!!

8. I love soft and cuddly stuff. hehehe (IT'S SO FLUFFY! I WANNA DIE!!! ^^)

9. I have many pillows in my bed.

10. I wanna learn Japanese!

11. I will go to Mexico and go swimming at the beaches of Cancun or Acapulco! Hahaha (That is if I learn how to swim before the world ends at 2012, sabi sa Mayan Calendar... hahaha)

12. I want to translate Pablo Neruda's poetry straight from Spanish to Filipino. I have translated "Soneto XVII" from the English translation only... :(

13. I want to read Rizal's novels in their original version.

14. I will go backpacking before leaving Thailand in 2010. (Which I never had the chance to do because of the Red Shirt rallies there. We actually tried to go to Chang Mai at the height of the conflict. We ended up taking the wrong bus dahil nagmamadali para di maabutan ng curfew, and were sent back to Bangkok first thing in the morning. Haha)

15. I have lots of debts to pay.

16. I am considering artificial insemination as alternative (That is if I am still single by the time I turn 35; and if I'm rich enough to pay for it. Otherwise... hmmm... there are other options... hahahaha)

17. Donna said, I'm very gullible. After some revelations weeks ago, I realized that I am not just gullible, I'm stupid and naive! Ahaha Diba mga ateng?

18. I am a cry-baby, but for some reasons, I can manage to impede my tears. I acquired that talent from a not-so-distant past. Hehe. (Emo pa rin naman! ^^)

19. Sadyang madaldal lang talaga ako. Pero kapag nanahimik na ako, hmmm... I'm brewing something... evil!!! Ahaha

20. I take eating seriously. I am always silent whenever there's good food. Hehe

21. Contagious daw ang kagagahan ko! Ahaha.

22. I am a very shy person. Honestly. (Which no one actually believes. Bakit kaya? ^^)

23. I am naturally curious. Like when I was three years old, I cut my hair because I was curious what scissors can do, and how haircutters manage to cut my hair nicely. That was the time I realized that haircutting is not the career path for me. Hahaha.

24. I repeated that same "kagagahan" when I was in highschool. Inahit ko 'yung isang patilya ko! Di ba naman! Ahahaha

25. Mahilig daw ako sa "true love"... whatever that means... AHAHAHAHA