My Emo Heart

It was my inaanak Chin's 11th bday last Saturday, our lola's 11th death anniv last Friday, and our lolo's bday today. Hehe. There's some family affair in Laguna and before I went home for a weekend-long eating spree, I went out with Chin and Eila, our pamangkins, with my ever-busy cousin, Apol. After eating, we strolled a little at Trinoma and found this 'emo' heart. Hehehe. Nothing to do with Chin's bday, or with anything else. I just bought it coz it's cute, it's black, and it's emo! hehehehe





Pictures from our gimik later this week, maybe... if Pol find time to email me the photos. hehe

Para kay THE CRUSH

I Do Not Love Thee   

by Caroline Elizabeth Sarah Norton

I do not love thee!—no! I do not love thee!

And yet when thou art absent I am sad;

   And envy even the bright blue sky above thee,

Whose quiet stars may see thee and be glad.

I do not love thee!—yet, I know not why,

Whate’er thou dost seems still well done, to me:

   And often in my solitude I sigh

That those I do love are not more like thee!

I do not love thee!—yet, when thou art gone,

I hate the sound (though those who speak be dear)

   Which breaks the lingering echo of the tone

Thy voice of music leaves upon my ear.

I do not love thee!—yet thy speaking eyes,

With their deep, bright, and most expressive blue,

   Between me and the midnight heaven arise,

Oftener than any eyes I ever knew.

I know I do not love thee! yet, alas!

Others will scarcely trust my candid heart;

   And oft I catch them smiling as they pass,

Because they see me gazing where thou art.

My Thesis Love Affair (Thai Version) #1

Sabi ni Thesis, "'Pag 'di mo pa ako pinansin, break na tayo!" Natakot naman ako.

-- tweet ko noong 10 March 2010

Emo-dium 101

Kung susulat ako ng kuwento ng pag-ibig, marahil tungkol ito sa'yo at sa akin, at sa lahat ng ano, sino, saan, bakit at paano na pumapagitan. --mula sa tweet ko noong April 1 2010

Meet Chuchi

Out of boredom, habang nagtatake-down ng notes sa isang uber-boring na seminar/ conference. Kaya siya makulay, para macompensate ang pagiging boring ng sirkumstansya ng kanyang pag-iral. :P

Drawing: Ligay's kamay
Kulay: Photoshop, the one that perfectly touches your skin! hehehe ^^

Nagsusumixteen Series: Sinong crush mo doon?

Naaalala mo ba nung bata ka na kaya ka sumasagot ng slambook/ slumbook ay dahil sa gusto mong ipagsigawan/ ipamalita/ ipareserve kung sino ang crush mo? Oh well, ako hindi dahil wala akong pansagot sa "Who is your crush?" nung bata ako. Delayed reaction ako sa ganyan! Haha. Highschool na ako nagkacrush, at wala sa sinumang naging crush ko ang naging crush din ako (nakasama ko nga lang sa Sagada yung isa after naming hindi magkita ng mahigit sampung taon, hahahaha! Pero wala pa rin! Maling diskarte! Harhar)

So, fastforward (konti pang forward... more... more...hehe) may bago akong pansagot sa slumbook/slambook. Hindi lang ako sigurado if I 'crush' him because he's really interesting or dahil lang may semblance siya sa kakilala ko, mas matangkad nga lang ito, but the angas, mehn, yun lang! :)

First time ko siya makita, si Voldemort (kasi he must not be named e, hehe) na talaga ang naisip ko. Naisip ko nun, "E bakit may kamukha niya dito?" Yung sumunod na beses, hmm, ganda ng pwets mo tsong! haha. Third time, nangingiti na ako. Wala na! Crush ko na siya! Hahaha. Eto pa, bukas mas madalas ko na siyang makikita because you know, the universe may be conspiring for somthing... funny! hahaha. Di ko alam, nagulat lang din ako! Basta yun. ^__________________________^ Hindi ko mapigilan ngiti ko! Badtrip! Hahaha. Sana lang e single pa ito kundi lalagapak na naman ang crushlife ko! At hindi yun maganda! :P

Emo-dium 101

"I love you, Elena. And it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you... I don't deserve you but my brother does." --Damon Salvatore, Vampire Diaries

Date a girl who reads and writes

Liz posted an artix entitled "Date a girl who reads" in her facebook account and tagged me. I reposted it in my other blog 'coz Dusty Typewriter is getting really dusty nowadays, so para lang may post and because i like it. It was actually written by Rosemarie Urquico (dont know her) in response to a post by Charles Warnke, You Should Date An Illiterate Girl.

It was a good read, especially when you read it before, during or after the valentine fever, at syempre nakakarelate ako, char (coz I'd like to believe I am one of those who girls who read, hahaha! Sariling advertisement? Self-supporting? ) Sabi pa:

"Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes."

E di feeling ko ako nga yun! Hahahaha. Kidding. It was a really a good read.

Then one day, since the world is getting really small, someone commented on my post in Dusty Typewriter. She said she has her own response to Charles Warnke's You Should Date An Illiterate Girl (He's getting really famous, pansin ko lang... kaya I'm not gonna link his blogsite on this post. hehehe), and so I read it.

And my heart goes... awwww... I asked her if I can post this in my other blog (meaning this blog, hehehe) and she said okay. So I am reposting "Date a girl who writes" (although I think I am very much weirder than the kind of girl she's describing...so guys, date me at your own risk! hahahaha!)

______________________

DATE A GIRL WHO WRITES

By Jan Patrice

Find a girl who loves to write. She could be anywhere serene: on the bench, under the tree, on the beach, on top of the mountain, or on the fresh-cut grass field, for it is in those places that she could think better, and write masterpieces out of a paper and a pen. Catch her in the nearby coffee shop, sipping a huge cup of coffee and staring out the shop’s window; it is in those times that she would think about what lays ahead of her on the real world, about her characters, about her next novel. Spot her inside the public library, engulfed by tall bookshelves, trapped inside her own world. Notice how she flips a page of a book, lifts her chin up, and scamper away to find another book. She then walks, clearly entranced by the antiquity of everything that’s around her. She then walks, clearly making up stories inside her mind. Her lips twitch as she does. People look at her, but she wouldn’t seem to care. She has her own world with her – much better than what is laid on her table. She’s crazy, in her own kind of way.

Talk to her like any normal person would do. Ask her about her interests. See if she’s interested to respond to whatever comes out of your mouth. She’d be busy thinking at times though, about her next story, a topic, a blog post. A lot of things just pop out inside her mind like popcorn, but just go talk to her. Sooner or later, she’d realized that somebody is willing to listen to her chatter.

Ask her out on a date, because she knows what it means to fall in love, take risks, and get hurt. She knows how it feels, or at least how to fake it. She had been used to twists and turns –they’re already part and parcel of her system. The girl who writes has already been tested by time for she’d been slaying dragons and fighting in wars in her stories, together with the main character and everyone of the cast in the story. Date her for she had been the captain of a ship, the queen of her own castle, the pianist of her own concerto. She knows for it is through writing that she could express what she truly feels. She knows for it is through writing that she breathes and lives. Just take her anywhere. She’d see the good and bad side of things; she’s already used to them.

Try to understand her actions a few months later. She’s only concerned with how to change the story’s flow, how to surprise you as the story goes, and how to make magic out of mere words. The pen is her wand; it is through which that she gains access through her mind’s eye. Emotions are her vocabulary. Words, sentences, and paragraphs are her helpers. The girl who writes knows how to command them to do things, the way a hunter catches his prey. Stories and essays are her spells. She is literature’s fairy godmother. You, the man who reads, are her secret prince. Try to understand her as she lives on her ordinary life. Try to fathom all her words because she means it, but never get tired of reading her mind. Appreciate her passion. She knows how to please you through her words.

Give her time to pause, for she knows it’s the best for the both of you. The girl who writes knows where to insert the climax and where to put transitions. She knows how to iron things out. She knows when it doesn’t sound right, or if it would, how to make it better. Her sentences might “run on and on”, but never get tired of chasing her. She loves it when you brood over what she has written. She might not be an expert when it comes to syntax, but she knows how she’d deal her thoughts. Let her write, let her move. She’s just the girl who reads, the girl who doesn’t rolled into one person, and that somebody in between. She’s just a girl.

Date a girl who writes for she knows how to begin and end your love story. She had it all outlined in one of her sacred notepads, tucked within the deepest recesses of her bag each day. She still doesn’t know what the ending would be, however, for like a pen she’s just an instrument, guided by the power of a story left untold. It’s up to you both on how the story would go: you, the man who reads and her, the girl who writes. But most certainly, it would be another happily-ever-after.

Thanks for the inspiration, Charles Warnke.

Signs of Life

http://misteravid.tumblr.com/post/3273571268/what-the-bitter-ones-should-do-today

Break through hoping your demons can't catch you. So many people with a good view if you should ever be the one to hit the ground. There's stop signs on the wrong highway and it's so dark looking for answers but your headlights have already gone out. You're looking for a spark. Can April hours spring signs of life in me? 

A heart that's been buried in the ground can't break if its never found. I spent so much time digging that grave. And even if it's pain that I feel at least I know that its real. I'd rather be broken than afraid. 

Its a long ride, dont think its over. It's a fine line between disaster and a good time. Pick up the pieces and find out who you are. It's a cool sound you know youre hiding for a meltdown. Feeling the pressure like a landslide, you have to figure out why you fell apart. 

Just slow down and take it in stride. There's no deadlines as long as you're alive.

--Signs of Life, Lifehouse

Emo-dium 101

"You compelled me. None of my feelings are real." --Stefan Salvatore, The Vampire Diaries

Manila Chronicles: 14

Wala namang bago sa EDSA, traffic pa rin. Wala ring bago sa MRT, siksikan pa rin. May mala-"parade of colors" nga lang --sa kalye, sa mall, sa opisina, sa kung saan-saan. Bida ngayon ang kulay pula, mala-pula, itim, mala-itim, puti, nagkukunwaring puti at ibang kulay na minamaskarahan ang tunay nilang kulay. Yung tipong ayaw magpula kasi nagsusumigaw pero ayaw ring mag-itim kasi bitter naman. Ayaw ring magputi kasi... magmumukhang mataba!

Nakaputi ako ngayon.

Nagkalat sa bangketa ang sangkaterbang rakista: yung mga nagbebenta ng rosas sa kalye. Dinadaan-daanan lang naman sila ng mga tao. Titingin sabay irap. Pero yung iba, may second look. Ramdam mo ang hesitation, tipong gustong tanungin ang presyo pero nahihiyang hindi makabili o kaya gustong bumili pero nahihiyang makita na sa kalye lang niya binili. Napakadami naman kasi kaechusan!

Sa MRT, naka-muk-up ang mga babae. Nakaporma. Namamango. Busy mag-text habang ngumingiti-ngiti. Sa Mall, nagkukumahog ang mga lalaki. Nakaporma. Namamango. Busy mag-text habang parang hindi na makaugaga, hindi na mapakali, na parang "today is the day... or not!"

Nakikipaghabulan ako ngayon sa aking pangarap.

Busing-busy ang mundo. Busing-busy ako.

Ang selepono kong kanina pa natutulog, nabuhay. Nagtext ang nanay ko ng "Hapi Balentayms".

:)

Wawenta Post

Dapat may sasabihin daw ako. 'Yung tipong parang utot na kailangang ilabas para daw di na sumakit ang tiyan.

E narealize ko, wala naman palang kwenta at hindi na importante. Nag-iinarte lang ako. Matagal naman na palang wala ang sakit ng tiyan. Papansin lang!

HAHAHA!

Yun lang! :)

Sapul!

http://misteravid.tumblr.com/post/3232688245/i-am-reposting-this-for-it-is-almost-valentimes

For all you EMOs out there: Relak, See a Muve!

Happy Puso Day! :P

Unlikely

Lau was reading this week's lesson, Hope Against Depression, last night while I was reading my posts from my old blog, Anik-Anik, Atbp. Actually, it was my third blog. My first attempt to publicize my thoughts was in Purple Rain, a blog feature from the defunct website of AMiCUS-UPD. I forgot to transfer all my posts to another blog before the site hit non-existence. The second one I entitled Moonshadows, which I decided to erase because of some circumstances. Haha, I remember now. Nabadtrip nga pala ako kasi may nagliligawan sa blog ko, talaga nga naman! (I think my reaction then was, "Ang kapal ha, sa blog ko pa talaga nagligawan!" Hahaha)

Anyway, so Anik-anik, atbp came to be, and my first entry was entitled Circles (the one I reposted). Siguro nasasakal lang ako sa sitwasyon ko before na kahit mga friends ko kinaiiritahan ko. I was really that aligaga that time. And my excuse then was, "I'm brokenhearted and depressed." Haha. And I think that image stayed to a point where it became synonymous to me -- Si Ligay, ang babaeng pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa! (Other synonyms would be "Ang babaeng mahilig sa True Love," "Ang babaeng mahilig sa mga pag-ibig na puno ng tandang-pananong at tandang-padamdam," among others. Haha, adik lang.) That blog became a shock absorber, where I can just rant all day, where I release all the negativity inside my brain, where I vent out all my frustrations and emotions. It actually became easier for my friends to understand me (because every time they ask me what's wrong, I would just break down and cry. I was THAT emo! Gulay!)

But something must have changed over the years. I still burst out emo-shits occasionally, pero kumakabig agad. Because the truth is, I don't have a reason, or even the right, to be depressed or whine about things that are happening or not happening.

So when Lau read the seven signs of depression, there's still a thought that I would score maybe 3 over 7 or 4 over 7. Lau said she scored 6 over 7. Hehe. Surprisingly, I got butata. ZERO. And I was like, "So sa ating tatlo dito, ako ang walang bahid ng depression? Ganun? Parang hindi naman..." So inisa-isa nila sa akin why I failed the depression test:

Depression causes a variety of painful manifestations:

• a deep sense of sadness (sorrow): Sabi nina Lau, hindi naman daw ako malungkot. Wala naman daw akong reason para malungkot. Sabi ko, hindi ba pwedeng maging reason ang kawalan ko ng lovelife? Tiningnan lang nila ako, at natawa ako kasi, honestly hindi ko naman siya pinoproblema. Pero part yun ng new year's resolution ko. Hehe. Yun nga lang, bakit mo poproblemahin ang bagay na wala? Or kung meron, e bakit mo pa poproblemahin? Hehehe.
  
  
• a lack of motivation to do anything, even enjoyable activities: Marami naman akong bagay na ine-enjoy gawin. Sulok, for example. Kahit ngarag-ngaragan, I still love being a part of it. At ineenjoy ko naman ang pagsusulat, pagdaldal, pagtawa, pagkain, hahaha!!! Ako na ang mababaw ang kaligayahan! :)
  
  
• a change in appetite and either weight loss or gain: Actually, problema ko nga ang hindi pagbaba ng timbang ko! HAHAHA! At anong loss of appetite? Walang ganun! Sarap kumain nu! Kaya hindi talaga ako mamayat! :P
  
  
• sleep disturbances, sleeping either not enough or too much: wala naman masyado, mahilig lang akong magpuyat at kailangan kong gumising ng maaga kaya minsan kulang ang tulog ko (kaya rin siguro may biglang pag-e-emo na nagaganap, hmmm...)
  
  
• feelings of low self-esteem: Sabi ni Sheli, wala daw ako nito. Never daw ako nagkaroon ng low self-esteem! Grabe naman, meron naman, hindi ko nga lang ine-entertain! Because, sabi sa Bible, I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" so bakit ako mag-iinarte? Buti nga kumpleto ako (sobra pa nga e, ng taba!!! hehe). May iba nga na may kulang pero nagagawa pa rin nilang magpasalamat. So sino ako para hindi pasalamatan ang lahat ng meron o wala ako, diba?
  
  
• poor reasoning and memory: Ewan ko lang ha, pero sabi ni Sheli, ako daw ang may pinakamaayos na memorya at reasoning powers sa aming tatlo ngayon. Bolera naman 'yang si Sheli, hahaha! Sabi ko sa kanya, I have selective amnesia kaya, maraming detalye sa past ko ang hindi ko maalala. Sabi niya, pinipili mo lang naman ang maaalala at hindi. Ayun, sapul! Hahaha
  
  
• thoughts of death and suicide: NO! I am so vain to even think of killing myself, sabi nila. Hahaha. But really, hindi talaga. Siguro dati, pero kapag naiisip ko kung paano ko papatayin ang sarili ko parang... eeeeeewww... Imagine, sasaksakin mo sarili mo, sakit kaya nun! O kaya uminom ng lason? Yuck kaya lasa nun. O kaya magbigti? E yung paghihintay mo na mamatay e nakakaloka kaya, wag na!!! Hahaha

 

Sabi rin sa lesson, a basic coping strategy for depression consists of talking to a friend who knows how to listen, and there's a healing effect in verbalizing thoughts and feelings. So maybe the reason why I don't feel depressed is because I have friends whom I can talk to with whatever. And for all the depressions I had, sila talaga ang nagtitiyaga sa akin. :) And of course, I can talk to my mom openly. We're like the best of friends. We fight, yes, but at least I can voice out my frustrations without a thought of being forsaken or whatever. Hehe.

And maybe because I talk a lot. Talk meaning write all my thoughts about anything and everything. I can verbalize my feelings and thoughts easily daw. Nagiging emo lang daw ako kasi I'm an emotion-sucking vampire, I feed on other people's emotions! Hahahaha!

But I think, the best coping mechanism talaga for depression is prayer. I don't want to sound preachy or anything, but it's the truth. Knowing someone listens to you with whatever things you want to say saves you from killing yourself. And the best listener still, for me, is my Lord.

So, guard your heart, people! Nagpa-fluctuate madalas ang emosyon ng mga tao ngayong buwan! HAHAHA. And don't forget to pray. :)

Repost: Circles

The thing about circles is that there is no room for change; there are no corners to express your individuality, your happiness, your sadness. You’re stuck with who you were and what you have then.

And so you have your circle of friends –those whom you trust, those who stayed by your side through thickness and thinness, those who accept you for whoever you are and those who encourage you for whoever you will become. Yet sometimes you just hate being surrounded by them. You know that they will always have something to say with everything that you do. Even their silence could mean something.

Let’s say you’ve been hurt by someone you’ve loved for the longest time. Your friends wanted to protect you, and you let them. As fragile as a glass, you go on to find strength to move on. You tell yourself, “Hey, it’s his loss, not mine. Try to live your life apart from him. Live a life.”

It would be tough but you were convinced that everything’s going to be fine. And so you went on trying that new outlook in life. You live apart from him, well, at least for a few days. Then you realized that it’s harder than you thought because you are friends. Or at least, both of you are claiming to be. You are both trying to salvage a friendship and you understand that throwing that friendship away is just as tough as getting over him. And the worse part is that your friends are also his friends. You just can’t get rid of him as easily as you want it to be.

Getting over him, saving friendships –and to think that you’re not a superhero, you have no superpowers to deal with everything all at the same time. But that’s the fact. That’s the reality that you want to maintain, you’re friends with him minus the feeling.

Plus, you are blessed by friends who are so concerned about your well-being. It's as if they are trying to be your fairy godmother, or your personal Confucius. I guess the latter is more applicable. You know you can’t blame them because they are only concerned with what you feel, but sometimes they just make things more confusing, and you become more confused. Sure, they see things clearly more than you do but I guess they sometimes forget that it is not that easy to do things as quickly as a snap, especially when it comes to emotional dilemmas, just like what you are in right now.

Is staying in that circle the best thing to do? Or maybe you have to get out of there for a little while so that you can see things, as much as they see them? Or maybe getting some “corner” in that circle would greatly help? But if that’s the case, it would not be circle anymore.

_______________________________

Hindi ko na maalala kung bakit ko 'to sinulat, malamang nag-aangas lang ako! hahaha. April 2005 ko daw siya sinulat. Sori pero di ko na maalala anong nangyari nun. Selective amnesia. hehehe

Emo-dium 101

"Ruin is a gift." --Eat, Pray and Love

Emoticon #2

"Preferential or unconditional love? If I love her because she has excellent qualities, then my love is conditional on the preferential considerations I have bestowed upon my beloved. If those preferential considerations are removed for any reason, then my love for her will either cease altogether, or worse, turn into hate. I MUST THEREFORE LOVE OUT OF DUTY. THEN MY LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL! That is, I only love my beloved genuinely and unconditionally if, when all my preferential feelings are stripped away, I find that I still love her. I must be ‘‘able to continue finding her lovable, no matter how she has become changed.’’ Tell me, my friends, nagmahal na ba kayo ng ganito? This is as difficult as loving the Revolution. Even if it fails, we still must continue loving the Revolution for no reason at all just for Duty!" --Sir Gerry Lanuza, status niya sa facebook (10Feb11)

Manila Chronicles: LOL

Morning madness sa LRT.

Sabi ng VO girl sa LRT, speaking in a maarte way:

"Bilang respeto sa kapwa pasahero... bawal pong mag-ingay o tumawa ng malakas sa loob ng tren."

Say what?

LOL! 

Manila Chronicles: Tales of Two Lates

Chance

"It's too late baby now, it's too late..."

Hapon na. Pagod na ang katawan. Nagliliwaliw na ang utak sa mga kung anu-anong bagay na karaniwang hindi naiisip sa normal na oras. Sa gitna ng nagsisigawang mga sasakyan at sa lumilipad kong utak, may isang pupukaw sa aking maselang atensyon.

Naka-khaki pants, black polo shirt. Di maporma pero mukhang mabango. Makinis ang mukha, nakasalamin. Geek, malamang, with a perfectly managed haircut. Kamukha niya 'yung crush ko nung highschool, nung highschool pa kami. Hmmm, tipo!!!

Napaisip ako ng mga what ifs, yung tipong sabi ni Sir Ricky Lee na nagsu-sustain sa lahat ng kwentong pampelikula sa mundo. Mga what if ngumiti siya sa akin, what if kilala ko pala siya, what if siya pala! Minsan may ganyang topak ako, pampasaya ng mundo!

Tingin-tingin lang ulit, nagpapakasasa sa isang magandang tanawin sa gitna ng usok at baho ng Maynila.

Maya-maya pa'y napatingin ako sa kanyang kamay na may hawak na backpack.

Oooopppssss...

Singsing.

Palasingsingan.

Kaliwang kamay.

Sablay.

***

Missed

"It's too late to apologize..."

Dalawang magkaibigan, nakaupo sa tapat ko sa MRT. Usap-usap sila sa mga bagay na wala akong kinalaman. Naghihintay kami na umandar ang MRT papuntang QAve. Hindi pa masyadong puno, kaya nag-aabang pa ng maisasakay. Medyo mainit, hindi pa binubuksan ang aircon.

Biglang dumating ang kasunod na tren. Napaisip ang magkaibigan na lumipat sa kabilang tren, para siguro mas maluwag o kung ano man. Paidi-idi silang tumayo, hindi mapakali kung tatayo ba o uupo na lang, kung lalakad o hindi, lilipat o hindi.

Sa may pinto, nagdesisyon silang lilipat ng tren. Paghakbang ng isa palabas ng tren, sumara ang pinto. Nagkahiwalay sila. May isa sa loob, tumuloy sa biyahe dahil wala naman siyang magagawa. May isa na nasa labas, tutuloy rin sa biyahe, ibang biyahe nga lang dahil tulad ng nasa loob, wala rin naman siyang magagawa.

Hindi ko lang alam kung sinong iniwan at naiwan.

Impid

This post should have been entitled "My unsolicited opinion on why Angelo Reyes killed himself" with a lengthy expression of my political naiveness disguising otherwise and my disgust over the whole corruption issue in our country, with a little concern about his life, and a dash of existentialist blah blah.

This could have been my most angsty post in this blog, screaming "society sucks" but...

--nothing follows--

Slow

Lazy Saturday afternoon, after coming from church...

Lau: (Talking about Bubu and Mumu) Ligay, bakit ang bagal na nilang gumalaw? Kailangan na yata silang palitan ng tubig.

Ako: (Napatingin pero tuloy lang sa pag-iinternet) Ahh, sige mamaya. Papalitan ko ng tubig.

Lau: (Napasigaw) Aaaaahhh... bakit slowmo na sila?

Ako: (Napatingin lang ulit kina Bubu at Mumu) ...because it's a slowmo day!!! 

Hahahaha

Sweets No More

...well, at least for a week. Mr. Doctor advised me not to take in anything sweet, be it liquid or solid (or gas?) So bawal ang kape. NOOOOOOO!!!

I've been sick for a week, coughing like hell, as if my baga, atay, balumbalunan (manok? haha) and all my innards would come out of my body... I hate being sick.

Sabi ni Lau, baka dahil sa fatigue at puyat kaya ako may sakit ngayon. Baka nga. I have an 8hr job during weekdays, may OT pa minsan at dumadalas, SULOK on Sundays and other sked na pwede pagsingitan, plus my review which I am neglecting to do. Sa lahat ng ginagawa kong ito dito sa Manila, I still have to go home sa Laguna because Mom needs me there. After her minor accident bago matapos ang 2010, hindi na ako masyado nakakatulog everytime umuuwi ako. I need to attend to all her needs kasi hindi niya magalaw mga kamay niya - pagkain, pagtayo, pagpuntang cr. May nag-aassist naman kami na kinuha for her, yun lang mas gusto ko kasi na ako ang nag-aattend sa nanay ko. I remember when I was in Thailand nung 2009, naaksidente rin siya. Nalaman ko na lang, magaling na siya. Nakakaguilty, siyempre. Panganay ako. Dadalawa lang kami. May asawa na kapatid ko. At ako ang babae. Kahit anong pilit kasi nating lubayan ang mga ganyang partikularidad ng buhay natin, minsan hindi lang talaga matatakasan lalo na kung usaping pamilya na ang involved. So yun. Nung maaksidente si Mama, I wanna see to it na hindi lang ako hangin na nangungumusta.

Eventually, medyo naging okay na ang pakiramdam niya. She opted not to undergo operation. Mahina na rin kasi siya unlike before, plus she has diabetes. So therapy na lang gagawin dun sa shoulders niya. After that advice from the doctor, parang bigla ko na lang naramdaman lahat ng sakit na hindi ko naramdaman nung mga nakaraang linggo. Nagsimula lang sa konting sipon, at yun nagtutuloy-tuloy na. I still tried to go to office kasi kaya ko pa naman kahit medyo nilalagnat-lagnat na ako. Pero nung thursday, di na talaga kinaya ng powers. Grabe na yung ubo, hindi na ako nakakatulog. So nung Friday, I decided na magpachek up na. The nearest clinic is the UP Health Service, aka Infirmatay este Infirmary pala.

All my college life, iilang beses pa lang ako nagpadpad sa Infirmary (kasi ayoko talaga ng ospital to begin with at ayokong umiinom ng gamot.) So, parang weird na dun ako magpapachek up. At syempre, iba na rin ang sitwasyon ngayon. Hindi na ako student. At kailangan ko nang magbayad ng serbisyo nila.

To cut the story short, ayun, nagbayad ako ng Php450 sa doktor para lang masabihan na uminom ng salabat, maraming tubig at bawal magkinain ng matamis. Niresetahan naman niya ako ng gamot, yun nga lang, pati gamot mahal. Haaay.

"Battle Scars"

Thanks, Mister Avid, for sharing your talent and for uttering words I cannot speak through your works. I wish to meet you someday, somewhere in the universe. 

Repost: Untitled #1

Kung langit ang ating hangganan
Hindi tayo mauubusan ng liliparan
Halughugin natin ang buong kalawakan
Hanggang wala nang kalawakang pumapagitan.

Lisan natin ang hangganan ng lupa't langit
Lumipad palayo sa mundong mapanlupig
Simulan ang paglaya ng isip,
Subukan nating lumikha ng himig.

Kung iilan ang salitang kayang bigkasin
at ang imahe ay bibihira kung dumating
wag kang mangamba't iyong silipin
baka nakakadena lamang at napapaalipin.

Igalaw ang naparalisang mata
Iindak ang nawawalang paa
Humayo tayo't magpakasaya
Itanghal natin ang ating mga tula.

Nobyembre 17, 2007
Baguio City

__________

Nakalimutan ko nang sinulat ko pala 'to. Haha :) Ang Xiauismo ay nagmimistulang baul ng memorya. :)

25 Random Things

Sandamakmak ang ganito sa facebook at friendster, yung mga "Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to blah blah..." At nakigaya rin ako. Ito yung 25 random things about me noong 2009, dagdagan lang natin ng mga komento. :)

1. I am a vegetarian. (Bilang pasaway, sumasablay na minsan.)

2. I love buying and reading books.

3. Writing is my first love. Tapos music at visual arts.

4. I love the moon.

5. I love surprises.

6. I hate waiting.

7. I soak my feet in warm water and it feels ohh so good!!!

8. I love soft and cuddly stuff. hehehe (IT'S SO FLUFFY! I WANNA DIE!!! ^^)

9. I have many pillows in my bed.

10. I wanna learn Japanese!

11. I will go to Mexico and go swimming at the beaches of Cancun or Acapulco! Hahaha (That is if I learn how to swim before the world ends at 2012, sabi sa Mayan Calendar... hahaha)

12. I want to translate Pablo Neruda's poetry straight from Spanish to Filipino. I have translated "Soneto XVII" from the English translation only... :(

13. I want to read Rizal's novels in their original version.

14. I will go backpacking before leaving Thailand in 2010. (Which I never had the chance to do because of the Red Shirt rallies there. We actually tried to go to Chang Mai at the height of the conflict. We ended up taking the wrong bus dahil nagmamadali para di maabutan ng curfew, and were sent back to Bangkok first thing in the morning. Haha)

15. I have lots of debts to pay.

16. I am considering artificial insemination as alternative (That is if I am still single by the time I turn 35; and if I'm rich enough to pay for it. Otherwise... hmmm... there are other options... hahahaha)

17. Donna said, I'm very gullible. After some revelations weeks ago, I realized that I am not just gullible, I'm stupid and naive! Ahaha Diba mga ateng?

18. I am a cry-baby, but for some reasons, I can manage to impede my tears. I acquired that talent from a not-so-distant past. Hehe. (Emo pa rin naman! ^^)

19. Sadyang madaldal lang talaga ako. Pero kapag nanahimik na ako, hmmm... I'm brewing something... evil!!! Ahaha

20. I take eating seriously. I am always silent whenever there's good food. Hehe

21. Contagious daw ang kagagahan ko! Ahaha.

22. I am a very shy person. Honestly. (Which no one actually believes. Bakit kaya? ^^)

23. I am naturally curious. Like when I was three years old, I cut my hair because I was curious what scissors can do, and how haircutters manage to cut my hair nicely. That was the time I realized that haircutting is not the career path for me. Hahaha.

24. I repeated that same "kagagahan" when I was in highschool. Inahit ko 'yung isang patilya ko! Di ba naman! Ahahaha

25. Mahilig daw ako sa "true love"... whatever that means... AHAHAHAHA

The 10 CONYOmmandments

Reposting from Arjay's blog. Haha. :)

 

1.  Thou shall make gamit "make+pandiwa" .

ex. "Let's make pasok na to our class!"

      "Wait lang! I'm making kain pa!"

      "Come on na, we can't make hintay anymore! It's in Andrew pa, you know?"

2. Thou shall make kalat "noh", "diba" and "eh" in your pangungusap.

ex. "I don't like to make lakad in the baha nga, no? Eh diba it's like, so eew, diba?"

      "What ba: stop nga being maarte noh?"

      "Eh as if you want naman also, diba?"

3. When making describe a whatever, always say "It's SO pang-uri!"

ex. "It's so malaki, you know, and so mainit!"

      "I know right? So sarap nga, eh!"

      "You're making me so inggit naman.. I'll make bili nga my own burger."

4. When you are lalaki, make parang punctuation "dude", 'tsong" or "pare"

ex. "Dude, ENGANAL is so hirap, pare."

      "I know, tsong, I got bagsak nga in quiz one, eh"

5. Thou shall know you know? I know right!

ex. "My bag is so bigat today, you know"

      "I know, right! We have to make dala pa kasi the jumbo Physics book eh!"

6. Make gawa the plural of pangngalans like in English or Spanish.

ex. "I have so many tigyawats, oh!"

7. Like, when you can make kaya, always use like. Like, I know right?

ex. "Like, it's so init naman!"

      "Yah! The aircon, it's, like sira!" 

8. Make yourself feel so galing by translating the last word of your sentence, you know, your pangungusap?

ex. "Kakainis naman in the LRT! How plenty tao, you know, people?"

      "It's so tight nga there, eh, you know, masikip?"

9. Make gamit of plenty abbreviations, you know, daglat?"

ex. "Like, OMG! It's like traffic sa LRT"

      "I know right? It's so kaka!"

      "Kaka?"

      "Kakaasar!"

10. Make gamit the pinakamaarte voice and pronunciation you have para full effect!

ex. "I'm, like, making aral at the Arrhneo!"

      "Me naman, I'm from Lazzahl!"

(Got this from one of my e-groups, you know. It's so funny talaga, like, you know, it's kinda true. LMAO :)

To know is to succeed.

"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle." --III, Art of War

Tambien La Lluvia

Gael, ikaw na talaga!!!

"The memory of oppressed people cannot be taken away and for such people revolt is always an inch below the surface." --Howard Zinn

Aabangan ko 'to...

Morning Balinguynguy

Kakatunog ng relo, 6:30 ng umaga.

boy adik: Oist pano na nga bumasa ng t-test? Hahaha

girl bangag: Hahaha. Ako pa talaga tinanong mo.

*after ilang minutes*

boy adik: Alam ko na. Ok results nung survey. Astig!

boy adik: haha

girl bangag: wow

boy adik: Madugo lang na pag-i-e-explain.

girl bangag: hahahahaha

boy adik: Daming extraneous variables...

girl bangag: Feb pa lang naman, kaya mo yan. hahaha

boy adik: Teka yung thesis mo diba place based identity?

girl bangag: Uu...

boy adik: Nag-iinfluence ba talaga 'yun for social action?

girl bangag: "Their varying placed-based identities also proved to be influenced by social factors existing in their communities, which are necessary conditions for these place-based identities to be manifested into environmental collective action."

girl bangag: Sabi ng thesis abstract

girl bangag: hahahaha

boy adik: hahaha

boy adik: Ganun ung nangyari sa isang site ko, kahit na wala masyadong resources, similar yung recovery rate from Ondoy dun sa isang site na busog sa resources

boy adik: katuwa naman

Ang agang balinguynguy naman nito... :P

Paunawa: Magka-birthday sina Boy Adik at Girl Bangag, sana naipapaliwanag nito kung bakit para silang mga sira kung mag-usap. Hahaha!

Tatlong Araw

Paboritong post ni Kelvs sa logbook dati. hihihi

tatlong araw lang pala 

ako naging maligaya

di ko man lang napuna

tatlong araw ko'y tapos na

araw ng kalokohan aking kinagalakan

di ko naunawaan na ako'y masusugatan 

di ako makapaniwala at ako'y natulala

lumululong lumalala ngunit ba't biglang nawala

tatlong araw lang pala ako naging maligaya

di ko man lang napuna tatlong araw ko'y tapos na

tatlong araw naging masaya isang taong lumuluha

bakit mo kaya nagawa

bakit ka hindi naawa ngunit kung mapagbibigyan 

ang patalim ay hahawakan 

kahit na magmukhang timang basta magkabalikan 

tatlong araw lang pala ako naging maligaya

di ko man lang napuna tatlong araw ko'y tapus na

tatlong araw lang pala diman lang ginawang lima

di ko man lang napuna tatlong araw ko'y tapus na

talong araw

--Parokya ni Edgar

Ginagalugad ang bawat sulok ng memorya para sa password na hindi ko maalala... hay naku!

Narda

Para sa mga uber-busy.

Tila ibon kung lumipad. Sumabay sa hangin, ako'y napatingin sa dalagang nababalot ng hiwaga. Mapapansin kaya sa dami ng 'yong ginagawa? Kung kaagaw ko ang lahat may pag-asa bang makilala ka?

Awit na nananawagan, baka sakaling napakikinggan. Pag-ibig na palaisipan sa kanta na lang idaraan. Nag-aabang sa langit. Sa mga ulap sumisilip sa likod ng mga tala.

Kahit sulyap lang, Darna. 

Ang swerte nga naman ni Ding, lagi ka niyang kapiling. Kung ako sa kanya, niligawan na kita. Mapapansin kaya sa dami ng 'yong ginagawa? Kung kaagaw ko ang lahat may pag-asa bang makilala ka?

Tumalon kaya ako sa bangin,para lang iyong sagipin? Ito ang tanging paraan para mayakap ka.

Darating kaya sa dami ng ginagawa? Kung kaagaw ko sila paano na kaya?

-- Kamikazee

BIYAHERO Teaser v.1

poster design: Vincent Julius Matias

BIYAHERO

March 6 and 13, 2011
3 and 6 pm
PAC Multi-purpose Hall
Pasay City

For ticket reservations, please contact 09178879267.

Lies

I think it's time, we give it up and figure out what's stopping us from breathing easy and talking straight. The way is clear if you're ready now.

The volunteer is slowing down and taking time to save himself. The little cracks they escalated and before we knew it was too late for making circles and telling lies.

You're moving too fast for me and I can't keep up with you. Maybe if you slowed down for me I could see you're only telling lies, breaking us down with your lies. When will you learn?

So plant the thought and watch it grow, wind it up and let it go.

-- Glen Hansard

"Para Kanino?"

"Sa akin[...] problema ko sa pagsulat ng tula, ano ang estilo, paksain, teknik na gagamitin kahit pa politika ang subject matter. Nilutas ang mga ito ng katanungang ‘Para kanino?’” -- Bien Lumbera